Hubby ranting and raving; said horrible things about me to his sister. Should i go to the big party?

He was drinking. He called his sister. ranting and raving; saying that i hated his family. (which is by the way totally untrue).


abjectly apologetic this am. he said he's ruining his life with alcohol. that none of that was true. he will likely call his sister to deny everything and blame it on drink.


and by the way, his sister kept drawing out and asking more details and extending the horrible conversation.


i'm sure at least 100 relatives think that he's a suffering husband right now and that i am a major *itch.


should i go to the big party up North in 3 weeks for his mom?


should i attend the party? it will be acutely uncomfortable





should i go and pretend and ignore the hating stares? what i really want to do is just stay home.


he can go by himself; take the kids w/him. (we all have airline tickets).


i just want to crawl under a rock.


no amount of phone calls will correct this problem.





i don't need rehab or divorce advice.


and his family doesn't even know he drinks.





should i go? i'm already having health probs and this was just 10 hours ago.





thanksHubby ranting and raving; said horrible things about me to his sister. Should i go to the big party?
I think you shoud be the bigger person and go. You have the tickets and it sounds like something that's been planned for a while.





If you don't show up, it may give the impression that what your husband said is true.





Your husband caused this mess and he should be the one feeling guilty and uncomfortable, not you. He owes YOU a big, fat apology and to stay away from the phone next time he's feeling tipsy!!Hubby ranting and raving; said horrible things about me to his sister. Should i go to the big party?
Don't go to the gathering, if he complains at you it's tough he brought it on himself. He can also explain to his family when he is there why you decided not to attend, which means they will also be aware of his drinking. However I should think his sister knew he was drunk when she was on the phone to him.
You need to have him straighten this out right away.


And you should definitely go to the party. You obviously don't hate his family, but staying home might make them think you do. You have no reason to hate them, and therefore no reason to stay home from the party. Go along to the party and show his family that you like them all.
You could go if he announces that he has a drinking problem and agrees to stop drinking. Leave if he starts drinking. Tell him that you also want him to call him mom and sister and tell them that he will stop drinking as a result. I suspect that you didn't want to go to the party to begin with.
i would not go because I am a mexican with a bad temper. I have a big mouth and get into a fight and don't want to go to the pokey. I was in the pokey in the past so no fights. I would go out with the girlfriends and get a hotel until he calms down and if he fights go to court and get a protective order.
Tell his family he drinks when he calls them complaining about you. Also tell them you are having some health problems and can't go this time. He sounds like a immature jerk to be doing this while you are ill. Pray about it as well. I am sorry for you and hope this helps.
I would not go...he said these harsh things now let him fix it! why would you be made to feel uncomfortable? if someone is going to think ill of you nothing you do or say is going to change that.
I would send a letter to his mother and let her know that her son has a severe drinking problem.


Let her know that his telephone call to his sister was a lie and that he made this call while intoxicated.


Tell her that at this time you will not be attending the party due to the embarrassment of her son's behavior and that nothing is personal toward her or the family.


I would let my husband know that before you ever take a trip to visit with his family he needs to first start attending AA and publicly admit his problem and apologize what he said about you to them.


If you do not want to go I would not go and put myself through anymore further stress than you have already tolerated.
Communication between families should take place--his family is definitely being fed misinformation (untruths). They do need to know that he has a drinking problem--but you will have to remember. That is HIS family and they will always see HIS side.





Dont go to the party--just say things are not good not and need a cooling down period. Let him go with the kids. You will not be treated well if you go and you dont need that.





You might have to distance yourself from his family for a period of time. Let him see his family and let the kids go but insist that they do not try to poison the kids against you.





You definitely need help. Find counseling, find wise advice and cousel---and go from there.
My advice.





1. Can you guys leave a day early and go and talk to his parents. He needs to tell them that he has a drinking problem. Until that is uncovered it will never be good for you.





2. Go and after he has talked to his parents you need to sit down and talk with his sister and mom, etc.... See what you can all do too help him and get everything out int he open.





3. Have you ever gotten along with his family? If so it will be easier for you, if not you sure do have a tough battle in front of you.





4. Sitting at home is the easy way out and will just make it look like you are the person yoru husband claimed you were last night. It will suck Veyr very much I I think you shoudl go. Be the Real geniune you the best you know how. Don;t over do it as you don;t want to look fake, but I really think you should go.
Here's the thing-if you don't go, you making it look like what he said about you is true. I have kinda the same problem w/ my in-laws and I go to their house on holidays and I smile and act nice as can be. It sounds like your husband is a real prick when he drinks. If you do decide to go make damn sure he tells everyone that he was just being an a$#.
Why don't you need rehab or divorce advice? I am the child of an alcoholic. Do you know what this will do to your children? We come from a middle class family and I do okay, although I have SEVERE anxiety problems, but my baby sister is a drug dealer. Do you want your kids to turn out like that? Why don't you want your husband to get help? I hope to God you don't let him take the kids with him. Listen, would you hire a babysitter who drank while she watched your kids? Then why would you let your husband care for them in his state?
I know about this one because drinking has got me in a situation like this. The truth is he probably does feel genuinely bad about upsetting you. It works like this, you start of drinking thinking, hey I can keep this under control, then every single time, the liquor proves it is a bigger man than you to control it.





What happens is it puts pressure on the brain and all sorts of things come out. The thinking can be totally different. I wouldnt worry about what the sister thinks. The truth is she was only trying to be helpful to him because she is his sibling.





So, regardless of what you think, the problem is not u, not the family, not what was said, but it was the liquor.





So, what you need to do is get him to agree with some rules. When he buys some liquor, before he ever takes a drink, measure off how much he can have, then hide the rest. If he cant do that, then he just has to stop period, no more liquor allowed in the house.





Also, have him go without for a couple weeks. If he starts shaking or getting what they call the DTs , you will need to get him to an emergency room, this is life threatening. They will have to detox him.





When u try to help him with the situation be kind and intelligible about it. Get some articles about DTs and maybe he will learn to have a healthy fear of what may be down the road if he doesnt keep it under control.





Then, when you meet the family, just let him explain it was his drinking.





This is goin on with me, and I got a little scared, so I cared more about my relationship, that I decided to lay off the drinking. I didnt do it because I was miserable, I did it cos I was worn out after working all week, an my back, muscles and stuff were aching a little, an I had a lotta thoughts, so it was just a way to unwind and relax. The idea was to relax an get a fresh perspective. The problem was when the medicine started causing problems on its own.





It could be he is just wound up and stressed. I think a hot tub spa could serve the same purpose. So, agree to control how much he can have, social drinking in moderation, then maybe u two buy a hottub spa for christmas.